i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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