I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
