Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
