Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
