well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
