Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
