Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
