Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
