have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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