like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
