I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
