Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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