i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
