My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
