im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
