separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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