how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
