fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
