Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
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Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
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I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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