got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
