My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
