TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize