dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
