as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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