somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
