i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
nutella sex= disaster
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
