Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize