How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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