Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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