so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
