Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
