Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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