Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
