dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
