Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
