I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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