I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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