I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
