Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
