I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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