someone get that fucking seahorse.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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