my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
