I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
