I want to have your abortion
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
