I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize