I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
