How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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