I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
