She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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