hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Randomize
