I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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