yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
