The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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