I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
