The maid of honor just puked.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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