i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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