is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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