I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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