I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
