I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
