He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
