Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
