and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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