If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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