Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
