sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
