You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
